Park = Happy

Oh how we love the park. We are regular park visitors anyway, but soccer takes there every day of the week but Friday and the Sabbath of course! It is a blast for the boys, they love to get that energy out :)

Gussy is a little bit crazy for me at the park. He is fearless. I am pleased when he will play on the smaller "little kid" slides, but he is not as pleased. He wants to go up the big slides, there are no pictures of this because I am always waiting anxiously at the bottom ready to catch him if he leaps over the sides...I wouldn't put it past him, this crazy kid of mine! Thank Heavens the girls are always so helpful.

He will go backwards, head first, backwards head first, on his belly, try to walk down, jump down...nuts.

Gotta buckle Buzz in of course!

Just let it out, right?

I hesitate to write things sometimes because I hate sounding like a whiner. I absolutely know that there are a million things worse to go through in this life than what we are going through, I don't want anyone to think I am making a mountain out of my bump in the road. But this is my blog and my journal really since I am not the best journal-er so here is where I am writing this. You just got to vent a little sometimes, right?

It has been hard for me to loose this baby. After Gus, I wanted another one so badly and Matt wasn't sure. Then he had a very spiritual experience that we should have another one (a girl he was sure!?) I felt like I had won the lottery I was so excited. I don't know what it is, I am addicted to that feeling! Not so much the pregnancy part, but bringing new life into the world, adding another spirit to your family, watching as your children reunite with this precious little soul and these bonds of love reconnect...it is magical to me, bliss! I just think it is the greatest thing in the world and the whole reason we are even here...FAMILY! All these different relationships we have going on in our family, it is just wonderful! I am certainly not saying that everyone in the world should have a big family, but for me it is the best!

There have been a couple of things that have started to get me down. I have been asked more than once "why do you name your miscarriages" that just tears right to my heart. At first it makes me feel like I am crazy and maybe I am making too much of things and how far along I was. But then something that my Aunt gave me when we lost Emma when I was almost 7 months along really reassures me. Brigham Young said "when the mother feels life come to her infant it is the spirit entering the body" That gives me great comfort because I felt both of our babies that we lost move around. I love when you get to hear the heartbeat. I love feeling a baby move within me, I don't know, things just change then and that baby becomes so real to me and I am bonded forever and ever and ever. Even carrying Vince for a little less than 5 months, I just feel a connection.

I don't think I am totally crazy because other mothers I have met who have lost babies as far along as me feel the same way. Plus I got to hold those little ones. Each with perfectly formed little bodies. I still can see them, their little faces and hands so delicate. Anyway, I only know what I think and to me, these are babies I will reunite with after this life is over.

Somedays I just can't believe that we really aren't going to have a baby this summer, sometimes I just hold my belly and cry. Ah! I just wish we were. I feel so blessed that Matt loves me so. Almost loosing me in this life was enough to devastate him and I know he can't forget that feeling. He watched as my life almost slipped away and I know it makes sense for him to not want to go there again, to not have any more children. I just can't help that I still do. Desperately, after all this. It might not even be possible, Doc isn't sure yet and we are still doing tests. At the very least, we would be facing the same complications during delivery almost certainly. But I believe in miracles and the Lord's will above all. I know to Matt that is just a little too scary, what can I say...he kind of likes me :)

Ahhh....life is so wonderful. Thank heavens for things that bring us to our knees, literally, and offer us opportunity to become closer to the Savior. I have and I've learned so much. I am so very thankful for this experience. I feel so loved by my Father in Heaven, I am grateful. My life is wonderful, not just a little, SO wonderful. I love my children and my hubby more than I can express. I know I am right where I am supposed to be, home with these monkeys teaching me lessons every day. They make me blissfully happy. Lets be honest, they drive me crazy a little too, but hey, I kind of like crazy :)

The Gospel is true and families are forever, that is about all I know!

Mail Call

Everyday Taite likes to get the mail. Everyday she likes to wear Matt's shoes for her long trek to the mailbox. It takes her 9 times longer this way, but still she does it. She cracks me up.

I think she kind of likes him!

Easter

I love, LOVE Easter. Christmas and Easter are such spiritual times for me, I love it. I love that we get to focus on our Savior and all that He did for us. Don't you feel so uplifted? I do.

But I will admit, I always cringe a little at all the candy and easter bunny stuff. I just hate to see the real meaning for Easter brushed aside. I was so excited that Conference weekend fell on Easter this year. What a wonderful thing.

Easter morning was GrEaT...the whole day was! The Easter Bunny did not disappoint and brought the kids their Easter treats, but that darn Easter Bunny hid them. He left clues as a scavenger hunt that led the kids all over the house and yard. They had a blast! I don't know what they loved more, finding their treats or that one of the clues read like this, "Where does your Dad lay his big head? That is right, go look on your parent's bed!" They laughed for ten minutes at the Easter Bunny's sense of humor, remarking about their Dad's BiG head!

Here they are reading and finding their clues!

Later that day, all the Johnson Fam came up for dinner!

It was a scrumptious feast.

Nice socks with your sandals pal.

We had an Easter egg hunt with all the cousins. Big kids in the back yard, little kids had their own in the front. Now this kind of egg hunt I don't mind as long as my kids aren't acting greedy like crazy! They had so much fun. Taite even came over to see if Cy got enough, "Does Cy need some of mine? I got a lot, I guess I am a good egg finder, well really good actually!" So modest right, but at least she was sharing!

It was so much fun!

What would a Johnson gathering be without a game of dodgeball. Watch out Ellie, Uncle Eddie throws it pretty hard! She doesn't care, she tries to catch it every time.

Not a baby anymore

Here is my handsome little guy. So snuggly and so loving this guy is. Maybe I just want to keep him for my baby forever.

More and more his hair ends up looking like this lately, I said it was time for a haircut.

This is NOT what I had in mind Mattie!

He looks so OLD! Gone is my little baby. It is sad for me, he just looks so dang grown up

Get your Game Face On

Soccer has started again. This year Taite gets to play too and she is so very excited to be a big girl! I must admit I was wondering how Taiter would like it, she is just so...twirly and prancy. I didn't know how she would really like sports.

She was enjoying practice and then game time came. The whole game she was scowling. Matt and I said to each other that we were worried she wasn't having any fun, she looked angry actually. At half time I went to see how she was doing.

Me- Taite are you okay?

Taite- Yeah Mommy!

Me- Are you sure you're okay, you look upset?

Taite- I'm not upset! I'm having FUN!

Me- Oh, I thought you looked mad.

Taite- I'm trying to get the ball Moooom!

Silly me, she just had her game face on.

I am just glad she is having fun. I could do without the schedule though. Practice Monday and Wednesday for an hour, I think that is a little much for 4-year-olds. Ellery and Bailey have practice Tuesday and Thursday for an hour. The park is a 20 minute drive each way. Games on Saturday are at least 30 minutes away, lots of driving all week but oh well fun fun FUN!

A little side note about Bailey and Elle. Bay is SO aggressive when she plays! The joy it gives me is unreal. I was a scrappy athlete and it makes me so happy to see her ON it! Here is an example. She and Ellery are on a team together and they had a scrimmage against a boys team. Bailey is the youngest and smallest on her team and yet she would go up to these bigger boys and lower her shoulder and give them a nice check. I love it. Matt went down and asked her what she was doing, not really trying to hide his delight. She couldn't really put it into words, just got a big smile on her face and said "Just, well you know!" Oh we know Bailey, especially when playing against boys you gotta let them know you aren't afraid of them. She ended the game after it was over by running up to the biggest boy on the field and just giving him a nice bump with her shoulder. Ha! I know some people are not pleased with this parenting, but I love it!

Then there is Ellery, she is so intense and focused. She just gets in a zone and I love to watch her concentration. She listens to everything the coach says very carefully and then gets out there and follows through, I love this about her personality! She is getting really good and gets plenty physical herself, it is so fun to watch her play....all of them play!

Just hangin out with the Fam

We went down to St. George to meet my parents and Megan and Logan. The Hunter family has this amazing house that we could all fit in comfortably and it was a perfect idea. We were so excited to have Sophy and Max come down all the way from Seattle with their two adorable boys, Luke and Phal. I have missed them all so much! We had a blast.

The best part of the whole vacation was just chillin with me peeps! Ha! Just hangin out with family and friends is what we came all this way for and it was so worth it. Family is worth everything!

This is my cousin Brian, who is like a Bro, and his son Austin. Although I don't think I have ever called him Austin, its just Ozzie and he is one tough memory player. He kicked my butt and he is so adorable I could eat him up, Brian is okay I guess. :)

I got to hang out with two of my favorite people, Sarah and Jessie my cousins and it was hilarious! We went to a movie and then Sophy and I went out to eat with them. A "quick bite to eat" as I told Matt it would be turned into hours of chatting and laughing. I LOVED it and I LOVE them!

I love family time.

So Thankful for Great Friends

After St. George for 8 days, we headed up to my parents house in Alpine. It was great to be back home. We were only in Utah Valley for 4 days really so the problem was that we had SO much to squeeze in before we left! We have been blessed with great friends and I only wish it had been possible to see them all. The month of March was just a blur in a lot of ways, a blur of sad and traumatic craziness...coming to visit family and friends was exactly what I needed.

Something that I wanted to do more than anything during our trip was to visit this sweet family. The Huish Family, Zac is taking the picture but here we are with Tiffany and her sweet girlies Olivia is by Bay and Sam is on Tiff's lap.

We met the Huish Fam while we were living in Eagle Mountain. They are amazing. We weren't in that ward for too long, but our connection with them will last forever. I liked Tiffany from the get go because she is awesome and a sporty gal, which is always great for me so I am not the only one! But her friendship means so much more to me now. You can read more about their family at www.sadiehuish.blogspot.com They are truly wonderful people and unbelievable examples. Their daughter Sadie was a special friend of Bailey's. Bailey loves her so very much as does our whole family. Sadie was sweet and beautiful and passed away at the age of 6 last June after a long hard fight with a brain tumor. I was just a mess as a mother trying to understand how this could happen to someone's precious child and how horrible that trial must be. But I was equally awed to see Bailey have such tender feelings for someone she was close to. Bay just cried and cried when she would say her prayers that the tumor could just go away. We all cried so much when Sadie's fight was over. The way this family has handled their trials with grace and faith is inspiring to all who know them and to so very many who don't. I am so thankful for their friendship.

I was so excited to spend an evening with them, I wish it had been longer because the kids were really having a blast. Their strength is just awesome. Thank You Huish family for letting us barge in and say hello.

These two were cracking me up. They are only 2 months apart in age and I think they are just adorable! Pretty cute match huh? I'm just sayin.

We also got to see the Lloyd Family. Stephanie and I have been friends since the pre-existence, at least that is what our favorite seminary teacher used to claim. I was so glad to visit them, again it was too short and our kids were hilarious together. Between the two of us we have 9 so it was a fun filled night. Steph and her awesome hubby Derek (who by the way, I claim to have had a hand in helping these two get together years ago) have a 3 year old named Miriam, and 18 month old triplets ~all girls, Lia, Brynn and Claire!! HELLO! Can you say busy! Steph is an amazing mama. They are awesome. I am keeping my fingers crossed for a Johnson/Lloyd wedding in the future because Gus was in heaven with those 3 girlies. Taite considers Miriam her new best friend.

I only wish I had pictures. Our camera died pretty much right after we came up to Utah Valley. It was a wonderful night though.

We had the chance to visit another night with some of our awesome friends from the old BYU days at Wyview. It was so hilarious to think back to how our families were then and oh how we have changed. Roger and Kelli are just awesome and expecting another baby!! Can't wait! I think we moved to Wyview just so we could meet them. We love them SO much! Love you Proctors!

I had dinner with some fabulous friends from high school for a night of laughter and tears. Breakfast with a few more great friends. Family pictures (still to come). Tons of family to visit. We had to take advantage of a temple so close. A couple of dates...or course to Bajio! Basically we ran around like chickens with our heads cut off! To everyone we saw, thanks and to those we'll catch next time...we LOVE you!