I'm a lioness

Our camera will not download. I have a lot of pictures I would like to get up, but for now I am just reflecting. Speaking of reflecting, look at these beautiful pictures from Matt's phone that he took of the sunrise in Mexico! Breathtaking. More about Mexico when the camera works :)

This year has so far been a year of growth and of maturing. [Who knew I was so immature? :) I do this :) a lot I think :)] One of refinement and cultivation of new attributes much needed. Mostly, however, it has been about acknowledgment and appreciation. Gratitude.

After March when we lost our little Vince, a friend of mine kindly let me know that I should really just be so thankful for the 5 healthy kids I have here. She pointed out that many people aren't as fortunate as we have been to be so fertile and be blessed with so many children. Perhaps I was wallowing. She was right and I appreciated her candor. I am a tough love kind of girl and needed to hear that I needed to get over myself a little and show some gratitude. I didn't think I was being ungrateful, but maybe I was.

That is what I would say in my head. But somewhere deep down, to my innermost self I just ache for another baby. There is something healing after having a stillborn, in bringing life into the world again. It brings you full circle, at least for me anyway. With Emma, there was something very mending in becoming pregnant so quickly with Ellery. So this experience has just been such a difference knowing I really can't have any more children. It has been so hard for me to accept. Oh poor me, what a wuss. Thank heavens I have had Matt and his endless patience, but that is another post.

I have never felt ungrateful for my children. I have cherished motherhood to the fullest, I thought. Then I read a talk.

I read a talk some time ago by Sister Julie B. Beck, who I adore and I am so grateful for her leadership! Truly a magnificent woman. She spoke at Women's Conference at BYU in the spring.

"I have said lately that women are like lionesses at the gate of the home. Whatever happens in that home and family happens because she cares about it and it matters to her. She guards that gate, and things matter to that family if they matter to her.....Sisters, you are each like the lioness at the gate. This means that there has to be some prioritizing. I was taught years ago that when our priorities are out of order, we lose power. If we need power and influence to carry out our mission, then our priorities have to be straight."

She teaches about her list of priorities and how it helped her put her life in order. She had essential, necessary, and nice-to-do categories on her list of priorities.

"I wrote at the top of the essential list revelation. I have to be able to know the mind and will of God. Therefore, I have to do the things in my life that put me in a position to hear His voice."

"I started thinking about my home and family and what was necessary to create an environment or climate where the Spirit of the Lord would be. There were some necessary things to take care of. Homemaking took on a new meaning for me. I wanted to make a home where the Spirit of the Lord was present." "...It was important to invest my effort in making a home." "Being happy around my family and other people was necessary."

"{nice-to-do things} Those are crafts and hobbies and recreational reading and movies and travel and lunches with friends. A lot of women call this "time out." These things won't save us. They add variety to our lives, but they won't save us. When our priorities are on that list, and our time is devoted to those nice-to-do things, our priorities are out of order, and we lose power."

Sister Beck's talk is amazing and for me, life changing. You can click here to read the talk in its entirety...even though I just quoted half of it :)

I just made some goals, to put my own life in its correct order of priority. I always need to work on my personal relationship with the Lord, but more than anything I made a goal to just be happy. "You can't be grateful and unhappy at the same time" right? I realized that as the lioness at our gate I have to protect our home from outside influences, but also I have to watch what I bring into the home in my attitude. I was already a happy person, but I wanted to really have a happy attitude in all things.

It was perfect timing because Matt and I had been really encouraging the kids to have good attitudes. We adopted another family motto of "Happiness is a Choice!" It had been great for us all!

I wanted to take my friend's advice and only have gratitude for my children and my unrealistically fantastic husband. I want to enjoy every nano-second of my children's lives. For the first time in almost 10 years I am neither pregnant nor up all night and nursing a newborn. I have more energy than I have had in a long time and I wanted to use that energy for my family. It has been beyond great.

It is a work in progress, forever will be. But I can give myself a progress report and say that since the beginning of summer, life has become joyful. Truly joyful. Life is a nice balance of unavoidable stress and relaxed, our family seems to ebb and flow much more naturally. I am a truly happy mother, I love motherhood and I love being a wife. I am so thankful for the divine design of the family from our loving Heavenly Father. The mother sets the tone for the home, that is what I am working on.